Maybe Zombie Unicorns

From the kitchen table of Tarma Shena

I mostly stay out of all the dumb, ego driven, chest beating, conversations about what training methods are “best”. I really don’t care much what you call yourselves, labels are just a way of trying to stand out in a crowd. I like to use my wit instead.

Anyway, the lady is looking for an R+ trainer for her dog with separation anxiety. I read through, not because it’s me, but I might be able to make a recommendation. She doesn’t just want R+, she wants every accreditation on the books, you better have an entire alphabet after your name like this is brain surgery, and if you have even so much as touched an aversive tool like a flat collar, you are contaminated beyond redemption and we should just shoot you like it’s a zombie apocalypse and there is no hope once you’ve been infected.

Of course the videos circulating right now of the “trainer” who only needed two hours to “cure” resource guarding by repeatedly hitting a golden retriever in the head with a food dish, ya, she was certified.

I digress.

I went to look at the comments out of sheer curiosity. First one right there jumped to their feet waving the idiot flag like it’s a competition. “The only real trainers are balanced trainers”. Now whether or not I agree with that isn’t what the post was about, but the response got me. That OP went off ranting on an experience she had with a “Balanced trainer” and a prong collar wasn’t going to fix a fear based behavior.

Now don’t get me going on this aspect of the human condition where everyone is a victim and we all have “trauma” we are trying to get sorted out. I literally saw a lady sobbing on a reel because the grocery store was out of her cereal. She called in sick to work as well, it was all just too much.

Anyway, I commented. I know, I know, stupid me just trying to throw a little sanity out there into the world. I was polite. “I’m sorry you had that experience, we aren’t all like that.”

She turned on me like a rabid dog at a racoon eating party.

She stated that she had listed in her post exactly what she wanted so she didn’t have to talk to people like me.

Like me?

I tried Ethiopian food once at a restaurant. I didn’t care for it very much but I did ask some questions because this was my one and only experience. The consensus seemed to be that I needed to find a better restaurant, or better yet, a home cooked meal. I took that information and tucked it away for future use. I did not lose my shit and go on a campaign to burn down every ethnic restaurant I could find.

Reminds me of a comment thread I saw where they were talking about horse trainers and the comment was that the “I’ve been training horses for 30+ years… “ crowd were some of the worst ones. I had to agree. There are a lot of people out there who think they know everything about everything.

I was accused of giving “unsolicited advice” by an employee. Even job training is traumatic these days.

I stepped away from the “breeding” crowd a long time ago and switched my info to Unicorn breeder because the crazies out there are way more dangerous than the zombies we were discussing earlier. I think I’ll switch my “training” to Unicorns too.

Maybe Zombie Unicorns just to keep it interesting.